TOXIC Friendships

It is currently 1:20 am on a Tuesday night, actually Wednesday morning, and I'm writing about Toxic Friendships that I can't seem to shake or fix. *because I just had a fight with a friend and it made me upset.

I don't know why, but I have this one friend who seems to be amazing one day, and then we have horrible arguments the next day. We makeup, then we argue again. It's like I can't seem to keep a consistent "good place" with him. 

Why is that? 

I feel like most of us have friends that we have known for a long time or have been there for us when we needed them. But when you realize they aren't the best influence in your life anymore what do you do? Do you cut them off or do you continue in an unstable friendship?

I don't understand why people have such a hard time letting things go.

I had a falling out earlier this year. It was with a girl in my program, a black girl too. I think that's what upset me the most...being in an industry that has little minorities and still we fight with each other. Black women are consistently fighting each other, rather than growing and creating what we call "black girl magic". I find it sad that I never seem to maintain friendships with black women. I rarely have any issues with maintaining relationships with black men or white women or other ethnic groups. What is it about black women, and the way we build relationships with each other? 

I believe that I am a good person who tries my best to uplift my friends, especially when they need it most. I can admit sometimes that I'm selfish or don't always say the right thing, but I can own up to my faults (eventually) and hopefully learn and grow from them. I think that all of you guys reading (by the way thank you) can get some sort of personal understanding of me. I am upfront. I say it how it is, and maybe that's too much for some people. 

I don't have filters. If I'm pissed off, you will know it. 

Another thing, I'm quick to cut people off. I always have been. For most of my life I've never had a huge group of friends. I don't believe in quantity over quality. I rather build something special with 3 people instead of 10. Wouldn't you agree?

I've learned that the people who are meant to be in your life should be low maintenance. Granted, don't just give up on them, but realize if the relationship is helping you grow more than it's pulling you down. Where would your life be with or without them? STOP continuing to be friends with someone just because you grew up with them! People grow apart, it's natural.

Who you associate yourself with, is a reflection of YOU. This is some shit my parents used to tell me, and I never listened until I grew older. But it's true. Choose your circle of friends carefully. 

It takes time to really mature in the way you handle arguments or problems that you have with people. My advice, hang up or leave the conversation before it escalates. Sure they might get mad you left but at least you didn't say something you might regret. I'm annoyed at my adulting when it comes to arguments. It could be better. Sometimes I listen with the intent of arguing. < petty.  But I hate being wrong. 

Friends should be people that you call when your incredibly happy or sad. One thing I can say I have done is value the good ones I have in my life. They should not be out of convenience and you should always treasure those golden friendships you do have.  

Listen to someone who has given up on people too quickly, hang in there for a little bit longer. It might just be worth it. I'll keep you updated on what happens. Wish me luck